FAIL:)

So, I have obviously failed with my whole gratitude thing:)
I tried, but Life just got in the way...and here I am like 3 months (ish) later...
things have been quite interesting recently,
Friendships and relationships have changed,
both for good and bad.
But nonetheless, life must go on.
I am currently working on homework because my classes require a lot of me...even thought I am a silly girl only taking 9 credits and working full time and I still can't keep up...
I am trying really hard to do my homework of course because I am writing on my blog, and I am watching movies all night...yay:)

Anywho, thanks for your time:)

Gimps!! And Proud of It!!

So...Me and Elisha had surgery the past week:)

Don't we just look adorable:)

We were both going crazy so we went to the store and were gimps:)

We got some pretty nifty looks...hahaha

Oh and the last picture is one of my and my sisters.

I thought it was cute:)

Graduation Take #2.

Well I graduated from high school this past week:) (:P)
My graduation day started out by signing yearbooks and eating food at UCAS and Seminary,
Then slowly the time approached when I would walk across the stage...
Actually, more slowly than you would think:P
The waiting persisted indefinitely until...TADA, I could finally at least sit down...
Then speeches, musical numbers and a lot more waiting.
Each person's name was read, their selected school and major, plus scholarships earned/received.
But you know...while the information was read, I observed each person would just stand awkwardly on the stage while they waited to receive their well deserved high school diploma.
I knew I didn't want to stand there awkwardly so I started to devise a plan.
As my time approached, my heart was pounding as I was raking my brain for something to do.
Unfortunately my time came too quickly and I robotically walked up the steps to the stage.
The lights were shining in my eyes as I looked out to the audience and then...
"Sydney Ward will attend..."
I had to do something different and fast, I thought. I did not want to be awkward and stand there!
Without even thinking about what I was doing, my hand shot up into the air while the other went to my hip and I did the classic hip-arm pose while smiling the smile that was given to me by my parents.
My heart raced as I held my pose for two seconds and I got a few laughs from the audience.
Everything went blank as my cheeks filled with a deep red and I continued across the stage to receive my diploma.
What had I just done?!
Feeling rather embarrassed as I walked past the administration I got a few high fives from my classmates as I returned to my seat, relieved that this moment had finally past.
The procession of 123 students came to an end. It was over.
The senior class president stood in front of us as we all stood and moved our tassels from the right to left...I was in a daze.
Had this really just happened? Had I finally completed the battle of following curriculum to earn a diploma?
I was in awe as I walked to the back of the ballroom to return my stoles and get my *real* diploma.
I saw my parents waving at me from the back as I finished sliding my diploma into its folder.
Pictures were taken, money and gifts were received from family and then I was leaving.
Hours later after a few post-graduation activities, I drove into the UCAS parking lot and into the AC for the last time...ever.
I knew what I had to do: I had to have fun and enjoy every second I could with my classmates, but how could I when I knew it was all over...?
Nevertheless, the activities happened, food was eaten, prizes were won, and people were hurt.
All night turned out to be what felt like a few short hours as high school officially wrapped up.
I will admit I cried. As hard as I tried not to cry, I couldn't resist and tears came in steady streams sliding down my face as reality slapped me in the face.
High school was over and there was nothing I could do about it.
The never ending roller coaster of life had started and the control man started it without my permission.
It was inevitable of course. It always was.
But where had the past 18 years of my life gone?? How did it already come to this?!
The only place to go from here though is forward. Forward into oblivion.
So while the ride is going, you might as well hold on tight to what you got and enjoy it.
Enjoy the wind, enjoy the ups and down, the spins and drops, everything.
Because what else can you do?

Finals...Gah.

So...finals are coming up....fast...
Papers keep coming.
Stress keeps building.
Anger keeps boiling inside.
Sleep keeps disappearing.
Yay...

Ironic Isn't It?

Ironic how we complain about something,
Expecting it to change, but knowing it can't,
Then when it doesn't change,
We get upset and start complaining about it again.

It seems to be a never ending cycle of stupidity.
Awesome.

Free?

I have had this serious urge to just clean up everything.
Yesterday I went through my Facebook friends list and...
Tada!! I only have 84 friends on Facebook now,
and honestly, most of them are family:)

And the past few days, I've spent 8 or so hours decluttering my room.
I have a big trash bag just full of crap that I don't need/want anymore.
My closet is really empty now too.
I used to have 2 huge boxes full of crap...and now I don't have any boxes:)
I used to have things covering my desk and shelves,
but now they only have a few things here and there:)
Huzzah!!

I feel slightly free from so much crap.
as weird as it sounds, it's just nice:)

New Year's Party!!

Despite past New Year's Eve traditions,
I decided to do something crazy this year!
I went up to Salt Lake City with Chris Vizcardo and Steve Ramos and partied:)
We went to an improv show for a hilarious 45 minute show,
Gotta party with Steve and his band, Jupiter Suit
Walked around Temple Square and looked the lights
Also listening to Joshua Creek in the Tabernacle
Played in a room full of big beach balls (basically just hitting each other with them:))
Danced with Hula Hoops that were glow in the dark!!
And finally ended the night with Smallpools and a countdown for the new year!!
Well, I guess the day officially ended with Fireworks, but ya know:)

It was a great way to end 2013 and a good beginning to 2014:)
Thanks guys:)!!

Perfectionism

Gah!!!
I hate being a perfectionist!!!
I have a perfectly good piece of work and I made a single mistake that is permanent...
It took me around 7-8 hours to get to this point...
But I want to freakin start over just because it isn't right!!!!!!
I HATE GLITTER!!!

Winter Formal Date

Twas a lot of fun:)
Here are a few pictures!!

Me and Shawn
Being awkward with our pink:)

The Group:) All wearing red and black/white
(^^hence the awkward with the pink)

The girls: Me, Jeanenne, Angela, & Morgan

Us playing Games

We went sledding which was a blast!!
I got a lot of bruises to remember it by:)
Then got some hot lava from Sodalicious (amazing by the way)
Got ready at Cole's house and ate yummy Chinese Food:)
Followed by pictures and Apples to Apples and Catch phrase:)
We went to the dance and partied it up like mad men and women!!!
I did get sick and threw up my dinner, but I was able to feel a bit better and dance a tad bit more.
Then came home:)

Such a blast:)
Thanks Shawn Gubler!!!

Hmm.

Sometimes you just have to cry.

No matter how hard you try not to,

it just happens.

Smiling and being charismatic can be overwhelming.

But it's hard to cry when you have the reputation of being happy.

Even when you only smile 80% of the time, people ask.

People treat you differently. They are: nicer, kinder, sympathetic, concerned.

Well, sometimes you don't want that. Sometimes you just want to be alone.

And since when have they actually cared?!

They are only kind when they feel something bad has happened.

You get to the point where you get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say,

"Who am I going to be today? My true feelings, or the person they expect me to be?"

I know what I want, but I don't know how to do it.

You see: There is this....guy....

Well, multiple guys.

All having their differences, all being unique in their own way.

I've gotten....wrapped up in some of them....

Dang do you start regretting things.

If you really know me, you will agree that I am kinda stupid.

I get involved in things and I screw things up and I make things wrong.

I stay up late thinking at night.

Just thinking.

Reminiscing if you will on the past.

I will think so much and ruin everything.

It sucks.

I hate it.

But life goes on and so must I.

I may be lost and confused and guilty and regretful, but that's me... 

I know, I know, I know

I know.
You don't need to tell me twice.
I know I don't like talking to people.
I know that I can get on your nerves when I don't want to do what you do.
I know that I just don't connect with you guys anymore.
I just know.
I am seriously trying to move on from what I heard tonight.
I don't appreciate it, and I don't want to have to deal with it.
I know the people I talk to didn't say it, but they still did.
Ya.
Life is hard, then you die.
But you can either go through it trying your hardest, or give up and let people trample you.
It's your choice.
As for me, I am going to try:)
Now time to go and face my so-called "friends" at UCAS......:P
But hey, It's almost summer right? :)

last day.

One more day till Picnik closes for good:(
That is super depressing.....
I loved picnik.
I used it a lot when I was bored or if I wanted to touch up a picuture.
Now I have to use google plus.
Dumb.
I know.
***********************
Today's adventure:
I totally missed both of the buses today on the way to school.
I forgot to give Ethan his breakfast so when I went to go give it to him I took too long.
Darn.
So I had to drive myself to school.
I was only 25 minutes late to my first class.
Not bad right?
Well yes very bad especially when your classes are only 53 minutes long.
But when I walked in they were all laughing cause they were making up stories as to where I was.
They said I invested my money into someplace to get doubles....Whatever that means??
But it was nice 'cause when it was time to come home I got home SO much quicker than I normally do.
No need to wait for the bus today!!
And it was nice 'cause I took Ashley and Tressa along too,
Which they appreciated:)
It was quite an adventure...
haha, just 'cause I was yelling super loud in my car because this dumb train wouldn't move!!!
It stayed right in the way of the road for at least 5 minutes!!!!
SO annoying.
But eh, Whatever:):)

AHH

SUCH an eventful day.

I almost missed the bus,

giving me a good excuse to have an adventerous drive:)

I had like....5 people want to sit by me today in English:)

{Which isn't bad for my self-esteem:)}

And I gotta have those yummy mini hot dog things!!

such a good day:)

Wuv you:)

Argh.

Well.

First Job Interview= FAIL!!

Ugh.

I even knew the guy.

Argh.

I had to open my mouth and say the wrong words.

Meh.

SO dumb.